Proverbs 31 Amateur – Week 3

So, I was going to explore one verse a week. I had a great two week streak but then, well, I skipped the last two weeks. I could say I have been busy (and I have) or I could say I have been lazy (and I have) but the truth is that why we do what we do or don’t do rarely just has one simple reason.

Life is complicated, and hard, and messy, and beautiful, and crazy, and exhausting, and nothing less than a whirlwind. But, hey, it is fun.

Being a wife and mother is quite a life.  I have read articles about it being hard because you are always, ALWAYS, working. You don’t really ever get to leave your job. It can be thankless. And let’s face it, no supervisor is ever going to give you a raise. But all of that is worth it. Especially when we feel our husband’s embrace or see our smiling (TOOTHLESS!) children. It is in those moments that something swells up in us that makes all of this worth it, well most of the time.

But what does this have to do with our verse this week: Proverbs 31:12.

Proverbs 31:12 says:

She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

Like all the verses in this passage this has two parts.

The first part says she (the wife) does him (her husband) GOOD and not evil.

I like this verse. I can get behind this. I want to do good for my husband.

But all the time? Like really, every moment of every day. Don’t I get a break?

Basically this verse is saying that, as wives, we have two choices. We can either be a blessing or a curse to our husbands.

And the bible is clear that a wife can cause a bit of stress of her husband.

If Proverbs 31 outlines everything we want to be as wives, Proverbs 21 does the opposite.

Proverbs 21:9 says: It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. And Proverbs 21:19 says: It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

(I would be lying if I said that my husband has not scoped out rooftop real estate a time or two.)

So what does it mean to do good for our husband? The word used in this verse is the Hebrew word towb. It means to be pleasurable, pleasant, agreeable, to be a benefit to someone. It is the same word God used when He described looked at creation and said “It is good.” The word is used again in Jeremiah 33:14 when God describes His promises as good. It is a word that carries a lot of meaning.

The other word in the first part of this verse is evil. We can do our husbands good, or evil.

The word used for evil in this verse is the Hebrew word ra’. It means calamity, adversity, misfortune, even misery or injury. It is the same word used to describe the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and EVIL. It is specifically what God was trying to protect Adam and Eve from by telling them not to eat from that dang tree. It is also the same word that Esther uses to describe Haman, you know, the guy who wanted to wipe out all the Jews. It certainly isn’t a word that I want used to describe me or my actions toward my husband.

As wives we have a lot of impact on our husband’s lives. We can make it pleasurable, or we can make it miserable.

Something interesting about both of these words is that they are both action words, they mean to make good or make evil. We do this with our actions.

We do this with how we live our lives.

We do this by living in unity with our husbands.

We have an opportunity to do this every single day.

The second half of our verse this week, says “all the days of her life”…

Did you catch that? ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE… When I read this it seems a little daunting to me. There is no gray area in this verse, we are supposed to be good not evil (with no mention of mediocre), and we are supposed to do it always?

The reason this sounds a bit cumbersome to me (get ready for a moment of transparency) is that I don’t feel the same way about my husband ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE. When Brandon and I first started dating we were attached at the hip. When we were newlyweds we were worse. I used to get up in the wee hours of the morning to drive him to work so that we could have an extra hour or two together every day. But in the eleven years we have been married those feelings have waxed and waned. Most days, I live in a state of thankfulness that this awesome man picked me to be his wife. But some days, I don’t like anybody, not even my husband. And sometimes, believe it or not, he gets on my nerves.

But, all my days, are to be spent doing good for my husband.

Now, obviously, because I am deeply and grievously flawed this can’t happen all the time. But it doesn’t mean that we don’t try. And it is a heck of a lot easier if we are living in a state of grace. That constant place of understanding that because we are weak God can demonstrate His strength through us, because we have such a great need God has provided such a great love.

If we live in understanding that in and of ourselves we could never do all that is asked of us, but through us Jesus can work in our lives we become holier, and we do good for our husbands. We do this through God’s grace. But what happens when we aren’t walking in God’s grace….

When I begin to feel like my life is crappy, or I can foresee everything falling to pieces around my ankles, or I get stressed beyond the point of ‘I need an afternoon with a good book’, I always experience the same twinge just before everything hits the fan. This is the thought that runs through my head like a flashing neon sign:

It’s not fair.

Three little words can really screw up my morning (or day, or week, or month…). Being a wife is hard, especially for people like me. I have (a bit of a)  problem with pride. When we are frustrated with what we got, or didn’t get, when we feel like it isn’t fair, that is really pride rearing its ugly head. It is our sin nature saying “you deserve better.” This feeling, at least for me, usually doesn’t even have anything to do with Brandon but he usually gets repercussions of it.

Maybe it is just me (but I think probably not) but I feel like a servant. Not like a “Jesus came not to be served but to serve” awesome foot washing Christian servant. I feel like a dang butler. I feel like Geoffrey from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The life of a wife is about serving. The life of a mother is about serving. I care for other people’s children. I am the caretaker of my elderly grandmother. From 6:30 to whenever I have the opportunity or the good sense to go to bed I am serving others. I live in a constant place of putting off my desires to do what other need me to do.  And when I start doing it from a place of responsibility, of obligation, of self, then I start to feel like it isn’t fair.

My husband works really hard. He has a full time job in the ministry, plus an additional job that he works to supplement our income that is usually about 35 hours a week. Plus he is a full time student. But when I am operating out of my own strength, when I am in “it’s not fair” mode, all I see is that I am doing dishes while he is reading a book. Or I am cleaning toilets while he is off editing videos (doing what he loves) I can get a little jealous. And let’s face it, I DO NOT LOVE CLEANING. All I see is what I am not doing, or what I don’t have, or what I wish I could be doing. It is all about me, and my pride. And I despite all my great skills (and deep sense of PRIDE) I can’t do it. Not without the grace of God.

But we need not only an understanding of God’s grace but also the purpose of that grace. God created us with a specific purpose and gives us His grace to live out that purpose. God created Eve for Adam. It says in 1st Corinthians 11:9 that God created woman for man. God created me for Brandon. God created you for your husband. You are his helpmate. This woman that they are talking about in Proverbs 31, this woman who does good for her husband and not evil, she knows the purpose God planted in her.

We have to live in constant connection with the grace that God so freely gives to stay in the place where we are doing good for our husbands all the days of our lives. We need to understand our purpose. 

Are our husbands perfect? No, but that does change the word of God on what type of wife we are supposed to be? Nope. Not one bit. If God can love us through our messes, our “it’s not fair” days, our pride, and our generally sinful hearts, then surely we accept the grace that God has for us to be wives who bless our husbands.

This week, as you pray through this verse, ask God to do these things:

·         *  Reveal our purpose, specifically in relation to our husbands.

·        *   Show us how we can bring good (pleasure, pleasant, agreeable, to be a benefit) to our husbands.

·        *   Remind us how we blessed we are that God’s goodness is extended to us regardless of whether or not we are conducting ourselves in a Christ like manner. And help us to extend the same goodness to our husbands when they forget to take out the trash.  J

Frequently Asked Homeschool Questions

Homeschool F.A.Q.s

I am passionate about homeschooling my children. I love it. And probably because I love it so much I talk about it, a LOT. I get questions all the time from people who are thinking about homeschooling or just starting their homeschooling journey. And usually the questions they have are valid, and almost always, it is the same questions that I asked when I got started.

In no particular order:

How much money does it cost to homeschool?

This question I get all the time, and it is a tough one to answer. I guess technically the price would range from the cost of school supplies to as much money as you want to spend. Our first year we spent a TON of money. I bought a different curriculum for each subject and every school supply I could think of. I bought learning games and toys, a science kit, and every single educational aid that would have been in my son’s classroom had he gone to public school.  Our second and third year I spent about $30 on simple math books. We still had more than enough school supplies and I wrote all of our other curriculum. For the past two years we have used My Father’s World for our main curriculum, we also use MATH U SEE, Apologia Science Journals, Story of the World Activities, Writing Strands, and a few other odds and ends I have pieced together. I buy as much as I can used but still spend about $1000 dollars per school year for curriculum, science supplies, extras, field trips, and school supplies, zoo memberships, etc... There are people who spend much more, and there are people who spend much less. It all depends on your family, what you use, and how many children you are homeschooling.

Will my child be too sheltered?

Here is my answer to this: hopefully. I believe that as Christians we are the salt and the light of the world. We are meant to spread the gospel of Jesus everywhere, from our local Target to the ends of the earth. But my children aren’t salt yet, right now they are clay. They are being shaped and molded and those who we allow to have influence over our children will undoubtedly shape their worldview. This includes friends, teachers, friend’s parents, pastors, our family members. Anyone who you decide to let be a part of your child’s life will shape their personality. Now, that means that if a homeschool family exposes their child to the things of the world, their child will be worldly. I have met many homeschool children that are just as worldly as their public school counterparts. But I have not yet figured out how to protect a public schooled child from learning things and being exposed to things that we would not like them exposed to.

What about socialization?

Good question. When my husband originally brought up the idea of homeschooling when our boys were very little my response was that homeschool kids were weird. He was homeschooled for part of his education. J Here is what I have learned in my few years homeschooling though: homeschool children tend to have MUCH better social skills than public schooled children. They are not necessarily around as many people as if they were in public school but my children have not suffered from this. I have also seen a very clear trend. Homeschooled children tend to be better at socializing with a wider range of people. Many children who are public schooled only want to play with children that are both their age and their gender. My ten year old has friends that are 13 and friends that are 5. He has good friends that are girls and good friends that are boys. There are adults that he loves to hang out with. He has no clue that he is only supposed to have friends that are his age and boys. As adults, we certainly are not segregated like we are in public school. I have good friends that are 65 and good friends that are 19. Why wait until you are an adult to learn to get along well with a variety of different types of people.

Will my child have friends?

This question is a bit tricky because it really depends on the family. Public schooled children are exposed to a greater number of children (usually) but as many of us know, putting a child in a room with other children doesn’t necessarily mean they will make friends. As homeschoolers we just have to be more intentional about giving our children opportunities to interact with others. There are co-ops, homeschool groups, field trip outings, music classes, soccer camps, and everything else that you could possibly think of for homeschool students. There was a little boy in my co-op class last semester that took a fencing class for homeschool students. How cool is that. Each family must decide the best way for their children to be around other children and how often that needs to happen. But, I think that a great benefit of homeschooling is the opportunity it gives siblings to really learn how to be friends. My boys fight, like all brothers, but they are actually really close. Ezra wrote in his journal once that Elisha was his best friend. When Elisha said “I can’t be your best friends, I am you brother.” Ezra responded with this, “A best friend is the person that you would want to hang out with if you could hang out with anyone. You are my favorite person to hang out with, you are my best friend.”

How do you decide what extracurricular activities to do?

We have looked into several things each semester and tend to generally keep it simple. We have decided as a family that no more than one evening a week can be taken up by extracurricular activities. This helps me keep my sanity, and this helps keep our home peaceful. But, like so many things in homeschooling, you have to find what works for your family. Cost is also an issue, at least for us. There are a few things that I might have enrolled the boys in if we had extra resources, but we prioritize what is and isn’t important. We personally have a co-op  that meets 2-3 Fridays a month, a science class that meets twice a month, gymnastics that is once a month, a service project that is once a month, and try to go on three to four field trips a month. This keeps us busy enough to enjoy the times we are home but is calm enough that no one gets overwhelmed (especially me!).

How do you have time to do everything?

I honestly still haven’t figured this one out. The way I see it, I have three full time jobs. I watch two little ones Monday – Thursday. I care for my elderly grandmother who lives with us. And I am a homeschool mom. I am also a wife, maid, chef, chauffer, a blogger, I assist my husband with his small business, I have THREE DOGS (because I am dumb), I take care of our families finances and much to my family’s surprise, I actually have my own distinct interests and hobbies. Just like money, you have to have priorities. I always have a list of things that need to get done and I almost NEVER cross everything off that list. It is more of a running list. My floors are not always clean, I am years behind in scrapbooking, and I daily have to make decisions about what is important at this moment. Sometimes I make the wrong decisions, and sometimes I make decisions that everyone else would assume is wrong. Is it more important to do the phonics lesson or go the park? It depends on the day. Can the laundry wait? Usually, is there at least one pair of underwear in everyone’s drawers? I have also had to learn to prioritize what I think is important. Learn to tell people no, even people that you feel like you shouldn’t. There have been opportunities that I have really wanted to take advantage of but I just couldn’t because I knew I already had enough on my plate.

Another thing that has help me significantly is setting alarms. Often times I know that if I am not finished with whatever I am doing by a certain time or in 30 minutes or something like that then I will set a timer. I clean on most days for 30 minutes. What I accomplish in 30 minutes is all that gets done. I am really bad about being aware of the time. My internal clock ran out of batteries a long time ago. Because of this I will often think it has been an hour and it turns out it has been three. This is where my alarms come in. In theory I shouldn’t need an alarm to remember to make my children lunch, but this is real life y’all.

Do you ever get sick of your children?

Yes and no. I often think that I am tired of my children, but what I am really tired of is being stressed out. Don’t put too much pressure one yourself! Usually when I feel like I need a break my boys and I retreat to the water park or the nature center or the park for the day. Time with them, outside of “school” and the pressures of the house is usually what I need to recharge my spirit. But, alone time is important, and so is girl time. Make time in your schedule, set an alarm if you have to, and take time to just be alone with yourself. If I don’t get up early in the morning then I know that I am going to have no time to myself and that doesn’t always make for the best days.

Will my child get the same education as if they were in public school?

Heck no! And this is why we are homeschooling. Our first year doing homeschool I just imitated the public school classroom at home. This was a mistake. There is so much freedom in homeschooling and you can tailor it to your child’s specific needs. This means that the areas my boys are strong in I can challenge them, and the areas that my boys are struggling in we can spend extra time and attention to figure out what the issue is. This also means that we can base their education on and around how children really learn and develop, not around standardized testing, state standards, and what the government believes is best for ALL children. Homeschooling also looks different than public school for a lot of families. I have some public school advocates who love to compare their little pupil to my boys. The way I see, I have until they are 17 or 18 to get them all the crucial information that they need to be productive members of society.  Just because we don’t learn things on someone else’s time tables doesn’t mean they aren’t getting a good education.

Am I smart enough to homeschool my child?

This is actually one of the most common questions I get. My answer is always this: probably, but the question is are you disciplined enough to homeschool your child. There are teacher’s manuels, online math curriculums, and unlimited resources for parents. If you got a good education, great, you know what to do, and if you didn’t get a good education at all, well you know what not to do. Either way, I have never met anyone who isn’t intelligent enough to homeschool. If God trusted you with these children then I am sure that He trusts you to educate them.

What about their future?

My children are only seven and ten. And already we are looking into the educational choices they will have later in life considering they did not get a public school education. So far, I have not come across any studies or information that would indicate that homeschool students don’t do well in college settings. Actually, statistically homeschool students tend to do as well or better than their public schooled counterparts. I am concerned about their lifelong learning process and I truly believe that homeschooling is the best thing I can do to create people who have a general love of learning and great foundation to stand on.

Where do I start?

I get this question all the time. If you are just starting homeschooling then I would recommend spending the first year really getting to know your child or children. I mean, we all know our children but how do they learn best. Are they auditory, visual, or kinetic learners? Do they need a mastery or a spiral math curriculum? Are more geared towards history or literature? Do they work will with fill in the blank type of curriculum or amore hands on approach? There isn’t one right answer and no two children are exactly the same. What works for one might not work for another. I know that my first year I spent way too much money on curriculum that didn’t actually work for my son. So take some time, like a year, to get to know how your child learns best. Work with several different types of curriculum before you commit to something. And then once you commit to something, be willing to change it if needs be. Homeschool can be perfectly suited to YOUR child, so don’t stick with something that isn’t working. There are so many great resources out there for anyone to hold on to something that isn’t work.

       

Proverbs 31 Amateur - Week 2

Proverbs 31:11 is great. And it has one of my favorite promises for wives in this passage.  

There is so much complexity in the Word, and so much depth to the Hebrew language that isn't always present in the English language that I think it is really important to do two things:

1. Read every scripture on a basic, surface level. I think too often we can get ourselves in trouble when we begin to believe that the Bible doesn't mean something that it clearly has said. God didn't make any mistakes when He was inspiring the Word, and I am just going to assume that He is also sovereign enough to show up when they were translating it. If God said it, He meant it. 

2. Then, after you have done that, dig deep into the mysteries of the Word and of God. The bible promises us that those who ask for wisdom will receive it. Ask God for wisdom in understanding His word, and THEN you can consult outside commentaries, and teachings from the church. Look for the biblical truth present in the verse or passage. How does this teach us about the character of God and the character that He wants us to have?

I have two bibles that I use on a daily basis. I have a large one that I use to do my bible study in the mornings. It is actually a Homeschool Mom's devotional bible. It's pink and pretty and I love it. It is NIV. The other bible I use is a small little pocket bible that I keep in my purse. This one gets pulled out anytime we are out and I need a bible like at church, and any time I need to look something up quickly because I always know where it is. It is ESV. And I like Proverbs 31:11 in both of those versions...

The NIV phrases Proverbs 31:11 like this:
"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."

The ESV phrases Proverbs 31:11 like this: 
"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain."

But actually I love the New Living Translation bible's phrasing of this verse: "Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life." 

I think I like it because it is simple and easy to understand. I am going to just hang out with the first part of the verse for a bit.

Her husband can trust in her.

My husband can trust in me.

Your husband can trust in you.

We all know that trust is such an important foundation piece for a strong and healthy marriage. This verse is speaking specifically about a certain situation and area of trust: finances, but it has such a greater complexity and meaning. Trust is crucial. Being in a marriage where you cannot trust your spouse can be one of the hardest things. 

And honestly, I hit the husband jackpot. He certainly isn't perfect, but he is one of the most upright people I know. He has AMAZING integrity. I never have to worry about him not doing the right thing. Now, that's not to say he always does what I want him to do. But the man loves God and even when we are fighting or having issues, I know that his moral compass is not going to stray.

But, I have several friends who have found themselves in places where they honestly cannot trust their husbands. 

And often times there is not anything they can do about it. 

But there is one thing we can always do something about: ourselves. We can be trust worthy. The bible is so clear about integrity.

 Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Proverbs 10:9

 Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways. Proverbs 28:6

 The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them. Proverbs 11:3 

Be a person of integrity. Be a woman that your husband can trust. There are so many ways that a wife can do this.

1. Be open and honest with your husband. About everything. In every area where we hide things from our husbands we decide that we would rather hold on to and control the situation ourselves. This not only creates dysfunction but it limits the Lord's ability to work in those areas. Darkness and light do not mix and if we want God to work in our marriages we have to be honest with our husbands. This is not to say that Lord will never reveal something to you and expect you to just dwell on it and think about it before sharing it with others but we should never be deceitful.

2. Be above reproach. Keep yourself from the appearance of evil, in all situations, but especially in situations where your morality can come into question. It is simply not appropriate for married women to spend time alone with men that are not their husbands. This includes in person or online. Never put yourself in a situation where your husband would have a reason not to trust you. 

3. Be a woman of your word. If you say you are going to do something do it! If you say to your husband "I am going to (fill in the blank) today" then do it. Obviously there will be situations that are out of your control but these shouldn't be the norm. Prioritize your word. 

4. Do not lie. This should go without saying but there is so much junk out there in the world right now that says that men and women don't have to tell each other the truth or that little white lies won't hurt your marriage. But let me assure you that anytime you are caught lying the cost is often far greater than if you had just been honest in the first place. 

5. Secrets are dysfunctional. There are things that are private, and that is okay. There are many things that we choose not to share with our children because it isn't their business. But I think most things can and should be shared with your husband. And there are things that are surprises, and that's okay. I am not going to tell my husband what I got him for Christmas early. But secrets are different, secrets are information intentionally kept from someone and they OFTEN cause harm.  

6. Respect the boundaries and limits that your husband sets. This is especially true when it comes to finances. Trust me, it's never fun to have to go to your husband and explain that you have a secret credit card... Don't ask me how I know this. Because I don't want to lie to you. I am a woman of my word.  :)

If we look at the second part of the verse we see that this is specifically addressing finances or resources. "And he will have no lack of gain" from Proverbs 31:11 actually uses the same Hebrew word as Psalms 23 when it says "I shall not want." A trustworthy wife, one that is honest and diligent and prudent about how and where she spends the family's resources, actually creates a situation in which her husband flourishes with her. 

Since Proverbs was written in a time and culture where women could be considered a financial burden this is an amazing promise from the Lord. By being financially responsible and submissive to our husband's parameters we can actually create a situation where the Lord is able to further bless us, making it so that we lack no gain. Our husbands are richer because they have us as wives! We see in Luke 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." If we, as wives, can be faithful with what we have, then not only do we prove to the Lord that we can be faithful with more but we make ourselves trustworthy wives. 

So how can we specifically apply this verse to our lives this week?

1. First of all, is there anything you are being dishonest with your husband about? Is there something that you have felt the Holy Spirit leading you to share but have not wanted to? Spend some time in prayer and really focus on why you have a difficult time sharing?

2. If you do not already do this, have a chat with your husband about your family's finances. I know in many families the husband handles the finances and that's great. But ask, is there anything that I can do to be a financial blessing to our family? I also know that there are lots of families where the wife will handle all of the finances. This is also great,  Just make sure you are transparent with where the family's resources are going? And ask your husband, is there anyway I could be a financial blessing to our family? 

My Top Ten Guilty Pleasures

You know, the things that you KNOW you don’t need, but just won’t give them up.

10. Facebook. I am on Facebook WAY too much. I was seriously considering taking a FB hiatus but then we switched churches and I needed a way to stay in contact with my friends that I wasn’t going to see every week! So, logging on all the time is really the right thing to do, wink wink.  

9. Washi tape. Seriously this stuff is expensive for what you get. I cannot logically justify spending $4ish dollars on a roll of colored tape but something about makes my heart a little more happy so I do it.

8. The Walking Dead. Actually I really like zombies in general. It’s kind of strange because I don’t like scary or suspenseful movies but zombies done right can be very entertaining.

7. Books. Okay, books are a good thing I know. Books are great. Without books we would still be living in the dark ages but I have permanent book storage places in EVERY ROOM in my house. I love books. Recently my darling husband help me clean out and organize some of my book shelves and he made me get rid of duplicate copies of books I had. It was a sad day but everyone needs someone to keep them on track. If we ever have to downsize I would take my books over any other object in the home.

6. Sunglasses. How many pair does someone really need? If I was being economical and/or practical I might say two… but this is just one of those things I am not practical about. I probably own more than 30 pairs.

5. Sparkling water from Starbucks. It is a kick to the gut to pay $1.75 for a tiny bottle of Pellegrino at Starbucks but since I don’t drink coffee AND I love love love the stuff, anytime I meet a friend at Starbucks I am going to shell out the stupid two bucks.

4. Eyeliner that was probably meant for teenagers. I have some that is ELECTRIC blue and I love it. I also have hot pink eye shadow and though I don’t wear it very often, I am not giving it up. Okay, I know I am older than 29 (but younger than 31!) but I am going to rock it until I can’t anymore.

3. Reading about babies and breastfeeding and fertility and toddlers and cloth diapers and VBACs and ovulation and all that other amazing stuff. I have no idea if we will ever have other children but I can’t imagine a time where I am not just absolutely fascinated by the entire process of creating human beings and then raising them. I just love the baby stage, it is beautiful and difficult, and crazy, and wonderful.

(It was a close match between the number one and number two spot.)

2. The Outlander Series. I have been reading these books for about five years. For five years these characters have been a part of my life. I won’t give them up! I am totally in love with Jamie and Claire.

1. Planners. Real planners made out of paper. Planners are good, owning fifteen probably isn’t necessary. I am always on the hunt for a new planner, or a better way to plan, or a better lesson plan book. I am a planning fool. I tried once to go digital and it was a terrible experience. I have to write in a planner, with pencil, and then cross it off, or else my brain spazzes out.

Homeschool Days: A Snapshot of Life

Our Homeschool Goals for Fall 2014

The other night we sat down to a family meeting. During this meeting we talked about our goals for this semester.

Here is what my little men came up with:

Kid 1:

Goal 1: To successfully finish his math curriculum for the year.

Goal 2: To get better at writing.

Goal 3: To read more books of the Old Testament.

Kid 2:

Goal 1: To learn to read all his Batman books.

Goal 2: To get stronger and get bigger muscles.

Goal 3: To be a better Lego builder.

(Let’s just hope that studiousness comes with age.)

Proverbs 31 Amateur - Week One

About a year ago I bought a pink highlighter and decided to highlight everything the bible said about being a wife.

I would love to tell you that I am finished and that I have had divine revelation and now know it all. But the truth is that I am nowhere near finished, and the more I read the more I have realized that God’s standards are way different than my standards.

And I have been known to have some pretty high standards, in some situations. Like when it comes to my boys. My boys are ten and seven right now, but I have already began to pray fervently for their wives. I don’t have daughters so I can’t wait until the days my boys get married. But I have told my boys on more than one occasion that it matters who they marry. I always tell them to marry a girl who loves Jesus more than she loves you. If they can find that, they will be okay.

I want godly women for my men. I want them to marry someone who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I want them to marry someone who has a heart like Jesus. And in the mean time I am trying my hardest to raise them up to be mighty men of God, who can also cook and do the laundry!

When my boys marry, I hope they have high standards, like Proverbs 31 standards.

But what about my husband? If I am being honest I can tell you that my husband did not marry a Proverbs 31 woman. When we got married, I was a hot mess. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household, and had no example of what a godly wife should look like.

I was not virtuous; I was not a woman of noble character. I was controlling and manipulative. I was angry that Brandon was the leader of our home, because I thought I was smarter and could do a better job. I wanted to be a mom, but I really had no clue what it meant to be a wife. We had a rough start, to put it lightly. But the Lord began a work in us, and in me.

There is such an abundance of wisdom in the scriptures about what it means to be a woman of God, a wife, a mother, and none of those passages are more well-known than Proverbs 31.

I love these verses and I have read them and reread them more times than I can remember. But there is still so much insight I need to glean from this passage. I thought that as I explored them, I would share my journey with you.

So here we go:

Proverbs 31:10 says:

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For she is more precious than jewels?

The first part of this passage starts with a question “Who can find a virtuous wife?”

When I read this I see two things: there are virtuous wives, but they are hard to come by.

When I read about the Proverbs 31 wife I can’t think of anyone I know that meets each and every one of those requirements. And I certainly don’t come close.

But there is good news for me, and anyone who hasn't arrived yet to the degree of devotion and beauty that Proverbs 31 outlines. We know that it is not our work, but the work of Jesus in us that shapes us into virtuous women.  It is working through the daily grind, seeking Jesus as we move through life that shapes us into his image.

I have spent the last eleven years in wedded bliss. Well, I mean that I have been married for eleven years, I would be lying if I said everyday was blissful. But the truth is that God never intended me to spend one day fighting with my husband, and, unfortunately, I was often the one who made that choice. One thing that has become clear to me in these eleven years is that it is crucial to deal with your own unhealthy habits, dysfunctions, misconceptions, and strongholds. When we hold on to dysfunctions and unhealthy habits we learned growing up we limit the amount of work God can do in us, and in our marriages.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn, mainly because I like to be right. I like to be the one who wins. I like to prove that I know best. Early on I really struggled with admitting that I had a problem with something, or some action of mine was dysfunctional or sinful.

Today, I have no problem claiming all my junk and vowing to get rid of it. I want no part of the unhealthy habits I once clung to and I certainly don’t want the home that my boys grow up in to be like the home I grew up in.

But, just because I have agreed that I am not going to hold on to those unhealthy habits doesn’t mean that I am instantly delivered. But there is a clear pattern to my behavior. When I am focused on and seeking the Lord, my actions look much closer to our Proverbs 31 example. When I start to let things slack in my walk I see more nasty, old, dysfunctions rise to the surface.

As women we set the tone of our family. Are our husbands the heads of the household? Absolutely. But the role that a wife has in a home should not be underestimated. The more time I spend with the Lord, the more time I spend in the prayer closet, the more I devote my time and efforts to love the Lord, the more peace there is in my home and family.

My children can be fighting, crawling the walls, there can be dishes in the sink and dirty laundry all over the floor, my husband can be a grumpy mood after a bad day at work, but if I am at peace, if I have spent time with the Lord like I should have, then there will be a shift in the spiritual atmosphere, the Holy Spirit will be ushered in and we can reclaim our day.

But, the opposite is also true. My children can be sitting at the tables working calmly in their math books without even having been asked, my husband can be singing praise and worship, the house can be spotless, the dogs can even be calming napping under the piano, but if I am in a bad mood, if I tried on a shirt and decided I looked fat, if I am worrying about bills instead of having faith, or more likely haven’t been spending time with the Lord like I should, I can change everything. All it takes is a grouchy mom to change the spiritual charge in the air, quickly. I can send my peaceful home over the edge in less time than you might imagine.

This is why a woman of noble character is so valuable. If you look at this verse in different bible translations instead of noble (which is a great word!) you get virtuous, capable, excellent, diligent, strong, valiant, and worthy. 

These words conjure up an image of a knight in shining armor to me, not a meek little house wife. But if we have an accurate understanding of our role as wives it can change our hearts, our homes, and our families. 

This is what the second part of that verse is addressing: the value of a wife. It isn’t just that they are hard to find, it is that the effect that a wife can have in shaping her family’s spiritual climate.

A pebble isn’t valuable (unless you are my seven year old who collects them). A diamond is valuable. It is rare and beautiful, and something worthy to be awed.

A peasant girl isn’t valuable (I am thinking in fairy tale terms here). A queen is valuable. She has the power to affect nations, and wars, and kingdoms.

It sounds so cheesy to say, but a wife is really the queen of the home (or kingdom) that God has given her.

In reference to God we clearly see that He has gender. God is referred to as He in the bible. But God is not a man. Both Adam and Eve were created in the image of God. And into women God placed His nurturing spirit, tenderness, creativity, and boldness. He placed humility and His strength.

I had a real problem with submission for a long time. I think it took the Lord about 4258468417 tries to finally convince me that following His word, each and every time, would always be the best choice. But finally, after years of fighting, I started to understand submission a little differently. I learned three valuable things:

(Let me preface this with a statement. I love my husband, and I trust my husband. He is brilliant and loving and most importantly Brandon loves the Lord and wants to serve Him.)

But, the first thing I learned is, I submit to Brandon ultimately because I trust the Lord. There have been times when I didn't feel like the decisions my husband was making were the best decisions, or maybe they weren't the decisions I would have preferred. But I trust the Lord. I trusted Him when He told me to marry Brandon. I trust that His word will not return void, and I trust God’s plans for our lives.

The second thing I learned is that submission is freeing. Choosing to trust my husband and submit to Him freed me from worry that was never mine to carry. What if Brandon messes up? Well, we all do, you just move on. The truth is that husbands and wives were meant to fill different roles. It is my job to make Brandon feel respected. It is Brandon’s job to make me protected. It isn't about who does or doesn't do the dishes, or who does or doesn't make the most money. There is so much modern nonsense about women being treated the exact same as men. We are not the same as men, and I am not sad about that. Husbands and wives have very specific roles outlined in the Bible. That’s the way the Lord set things up and He just happens to be one smart dude. Submission is about trusting the Lord that your husband is equipped through Christ to complete the task set before him. And it is about trusting that you, through Christ, can be the wife and mother that your family needs.

The third thing I learned is that there is a power in submission. Not the feminist agenda, bra burning, “I can act like a man, too” type of power. Submitting to your husband allows God to begin to work in you, and (this was big for me) in your husband. Submitting to your husband, gives God the power, and ultimately your blessing, to move in mighty ways in your home and family.

In fact, in 1^st Peter we learn that a wife who seeks the Lord and honors her husband the way the word tells us to can change the heart of her husband back to the Lord or to the Lord for the first time. A virtuous woman has power. Women have been endowed with a strong, yet often silent, power to pull her family closer to the Lord.

I have thought to myself so often, “if my husband would just (fill in the blank) then my life would be so much better.” “If my children would just (fill in the blank) then my life would be so much better.” It is both uplifting and convicting to know that Lord set things up so that I could change the spiritual atmosphere of my home, that by praying and seeking Him, by spending time in my secret place and creating an atmosphere of worship in my home I can open the gates for the Lord work in all of us.  

This is why wives are more valuable than jewels. Jewels have great worth, but no resource can do what a wife can do. As wives we have the opportunity to bring great pleasure and joy to our husbands. We alone can give them a love that nothing in the world can compare to. And each husband and wife have a unique opportunity to share distinct love between themselves and the Lord.

My wedding ring is beautiful. It was my grandmother’s. My grandparents shared forty-six years together before my grandpa went to be with Jesus. The ring means a lot to me. But it is not the most valuable ring, it doesn't have the biggest diamonds I have seen. It probably even has mud or dish soap smashed behind the diamonds. But it is mine.

That is what a marriage is like, my marriage is mine.

There is no other marriage like my marriage and God has uniquely equipped me to bring peace and joy to my husband. He has laid my husband’s burdens on my heart and gave me the authority to pray for him and see the heavens and earth shift.

Knowing the great pleasure and responsibility that the Lord has gifted to you as a wife should effect the way you see your husband, your family, and your home.

When you trust the Lord and see your role through His eyes it can seem overwhelming, but also humbling that He trusted you with such a role.

I’m going to leave you with a few practical things to think about:

As you go through your week think about what can you do to focus on the Lord so that peace will fill your home?

How can you pray for your husband? What burdens does your husband have that you can lift to the Lord? God has given you authority to pray for your husband. You are one flesh!

What dysfunctional or unhealthy habits are you holding on to? What do you need to let go of to move into the next level that the Lord has for you?

What are some steps you can take to focus your family on heavenly things? 

And finally, and of great importance: what can you do to bring joy to your husband this week?

Essential Oils for ADD

In March of 2013 my wonderful friend said to me, hey I have this thing that I want to share with you. She began to tell me about her journey with Young Living Essential Oils. I was interested, but we had some family issues going on that the time. In the beginning of April my grandmother (who lives with us and who I care for) was admitted to hospital. We thought that it would be a week journey at the most and it ended up being three months in ICU, three surgeries, and a rough transition back to normal life.

So, from March 2013 to March 2014 a Young Living brochure sat on my desk, in my to do pile. Eventually, and almost at my wits end, I began to scour the internet for something, anything, other than drugs to treat A.D.D. in one of my boys. I knew that changing our diets would help tremendously but I also wanted to know if there was anything else out there.

Much to my surprise I kept coming across people using Young Living Oils for everything from allergies and A.D.D. to cancer and seeing great results. So I finally carved time out of my schedule to sit down with my friend and ask her all the questions I could think of.

Less than two weeks later I got my first package from Young Living in the mail and started using essential oils. Since that time I have learned so much, and I haven't even scratched the surface of what these amazing oils can do.

Since A.D.D. was one of the main reasons that I started down this road I wanted to take a little time and talk about what we have done, how it has helped our family.

The most common essential oil combination that you will see for A.D.D. is Vetiver, Cedarwood, and Lavender. This combination is what we started and I did notice a difference within a few days.

It was actually remarkable to see my sweet babe that would normally struggle through our homeschool day all of a sudden be able to work through assignments with more clarity and focus.

After a few weeks though I began to wonder if it was all in my head. (Am I the only one who does this?) I thought that maybe I had just expected him to be better so maybe I had been more patient with him, or maybe I just see what I wanted to see. I wasn't exactly sure, so I backed off the oils a bit. If there was any question about what he was like when I was consistent with the oils there wasn't any question about what he was like without them.

After using the oils for about three months I was so pleased with how they were working on my son that I began to look into other issues that essential oils might work for. The same son that struggles with A.D.D. also struggles with shyness. It can sometimes be a debilitating shyness. This seems especially true when he is struggling emotionally or something has happened. If he gets hurt for example, or gets in trouble, he can completely retreat, often refusing to talk to to even look at anyone. In addition to the A.D.D. mix that I was using I started using Valor on him. It is like it helped him come alive. One Sunday morning, not too long, he actually asked for the Valor oil before church. He told me that he felt like he could worship better with it. He actually said he felt more open with it. If he is able to recognize that in himself, with as young as he is, it is no wonder why so many people are so captivated by the amazing power of these tiny little bottles. Like I said earlier, I am just beginning to learn about essential oils but I have already seen them have such an impact in our home that I can't wait to learn all the amazing benefits.

Sharing the Gospel with Your Children

I want my boys to be whole, healthy, joyful. I want to shape great husbands for my two  future daughter-in-laws. I want my boys to grow to become passionate preachers of the word. I want them to educated. I want them to look back on their childhood fondly. I always say that I want their childhood to be magical. But the truth is that if I knew I could only accomplish one thing in parenting it wouldn't be a difficult decision. My main parenting objective is to share the gospel with my children.

Most Christian parents would agree that we should live in such a way that our children learn the love of God and see us live out the gospel in our daily lives. 

But we also need to be intentional about sharing the gospel of Jesus with our children. After all, they are our most important mission field and the Word is filled with promises for the next generations. 

So, what is the gospel? One of my favorite verses is John 16:8. It says "and when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment." In this verse the He is referring to the Holy Spirit, and since Jesus has returned to Heaven the Holy Spirit is who we have walking out life with us. And He wants to talk to us (and have us tell others) about three things: sin, righteousness, and judgment.

It looks like this: 

We have sinned. 

But God is righteous and His righteousness is our standard.

And because our righteous God cannot live in communion with our sin, He will judge us.

But thankfully Jesus came, died a gruesome death to impart His righteousness to us, because our own is like filthy rags. That is, if we would decide to forsake ourselves and follow Him.

Four simple truths but if when our children finally comprehend them it changes their world. 

But how do you actually do that? 

Here is what you do first: Teach them God's law. God has written His law on our hearts. We have a conscience and even young children know when they have sinned. 

So here is this kid:

He was five when he learned the ten commandments. And that turned into one of the most beautiful events in my life as a mommy. After memorizing the ten commandments he came to me one day and said, "Mommy, I have broken some of God's law. I have taken things that aren't mine, I have lied, and I have disobeyed  you and Daddy." To which I responded with a resounding, "yep." 

This is important, please remember this. Everyone sins, and everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn't make our sin any less offensive to God. Do not excuse your child's sin. Do not tell them that everyone does it so it's okay. Don't justify it. Don't dismiss it. If they are old enough to understand sin, the are old enough to understand that they are responsible for the choices they make. 

Then what he said to me next will stick with me forever. He said, "Because I have broken God's law, I deserve to go to Hell." To which I responded with a resounding, "yep."

Now here is the hard part. I just left him in this place for a few days. He pondered it, and took time to process what it really meant to deserve hell. There can be no salvation if we don't believe and understand that we need redemption. A brokenness over our sins has to come before fully understanding the gift of Jesus gave us in His death on the cross. If we are not broken over our sin then we cannot repent and if we cannot repent Jesus says we will perish. Repentance and a turning from sin and towards God is the only condition for our salvation. God doesn't save people simply because the prayed a prayer, God in His great mercy saves us when we repent and turn to Him. 

After thinking about this few days he came to me and said one last thing, "Mommy, do you think that Jesus could save someone like me?" To which I responded with a resounding, "yep." This was one of the best moments of my life. A genuine conviction of their sins in one of the signs in understanding when children are ready to really receive and comprehend the gospel. To understand the magnitude of what Jesus did for us is amazing, and to see that same understanding in our children is beautiful. 

And now there is this kid:

Just looking at his picture makes my heart skip a beat. He is a creature unlike anything else I have ever come in contact with. He can be the most charismatic person you have ever met. He can also be a tad manipulative. But mostly he is just a stinker. He has this ability to make anyone give him anything he wants. And it is sometimes hard to be his mommy. He will do something disobedient, get in trouble, and then ask "do you really feel in your heart that you should spank me? Maybe we should just take sometime to cuddle." He usually needs the spanking though. And sometimes he actually gets one. 

And I should have known that because he is so vastly different from his brother that learning God's law wouldn't look the same in him than it did in his older brother. So here is what the law looked like with this kid. He memorized the 10 commandments, I ask him what he thinks about these laws, to which he responds to me, "oh man, I have broken lots of those laws. It is a good thing Jesus is going to forgive all my sins."

My heart sank. This kid is a going to be a little different than the first. And I hate to admit it, but comes by this naturally... from his mother.

Before I was saved I was fully aware of who Jesus was, and what He had done for me. People would tell me all the time that the Father loved me and had created me to love Him and fulfill the purpose He made me for. To which I would respond with a resounding, "yep."

I heard the gospel ten thousand times before surrendering my life to the Lord. I certainly wasn't not immediately broken over my sin. And it wasn't actually the love of the Father that sent me seeking after Jesus. (Not that I want to diminish that amazing love in any way.) One day someone was telling me about Jesus. And he started the normal ABC spiel  (you know, admit, believe, commit thing that you hear 105492463 times in your Southern Baptist youth group). At one point, when I just knew that he was going to tell me that Jesus loved me I stopped him and said. "I know Jesus loves me, I get it, I just don't really care." Then he said, "actually I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say that God has rejected you because you are proud, and because He is so good, and so just, He is going to send you to hell, and that will be the right thing for Him to do."

I was struck to my core. It was the first time that I had no clue what to say. I carried this for days. I began to ponder how it would be a demonstration of God's goodness to fling my soul into hell. It was after hearing about both the great love of God and the great wrath of God that I began to finally think about who God was in comparison to who I had thought He was. It was His righteousness in comparison to my sin that finally led to a receptiveness of the message of Christ.  It was then that I began to seek Him, and when I did, I found Him. 

The gospel is something that is going to be preached over and over again in my home. I need to hear it on a daily basis, so I know my children do as well. So we live it out, but we also talk about it, a lot. Saint Francis of Assisi is credited with saying "Preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words." And while I appreciate the sentiment the Bible says in Romans 10:14 "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?" 

Use your words and preach the gospel, to everyone, but especially to your children. Some children are receptive and have a spiritual understanding at a young age, some don't. Either way, we need to be in the practice of telling our children about sin (both theirs and ours) and how that compares to God's righteousness, and ultimately what judgement we deserve for that. But we also get the great pleasure and privilege of sharing the redemptive work of the cross with them. 

So, have your children heard the gospel? From you? I hope so, but whether your answer is yes or no to that question, what you do next doesn't change. If you children understand the gospel, good, preach it again. If you children don't understand yet, that's okay too, just keep sharing... If Paul can resolve to know nothing but Christ crucified then surely we can press on and be consistent about sharing the gospel with those precious little souls that the Father entrusted us with. 

But, please let me leave you with one last thing. Do not ever tell anyone, especially your children, that they are saved. If your child comes to you, at any age, and expresses doubt in their salvation, trust them and trust the work of the Holy Spirit in them. Since we knowing praying "the" prayer is as effective as saying abracadabra if you are not truly repentant, it is very difficult to KNOW if someone is saved. Many children also have an innate desire to please so they will do something that is expected of them, and often this can look like a salvation experience, but not actually be the work of the Lord in a repentant heart. I prayed the prayer at various times in my life dozens of times before I was reborn. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was not repentant during those times and had I died in my sin I would have gone to hell. The word tells us to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. If our child has a doubt about his salvation then the Holy Spirit could very likely NOT be testifying in their spirit that they are children of God. It is serious, more serious than any other decision they will ever make in their lives, so if they are not sure, keep preaching the gospel and pray that they seek the Lord until they truly understand their sin, God's righteousness, and the judgment they deserve, and of course, the redemptive work of Christ crucified.